Deep in the Heart of Equestria
by iheartkatamari
Summary: Oneshot. Rainbow Dash and the Cutie Mark Crusaders set out to catch a cattle rustler on AppleJack's family ranch, but it may be easier said than done. Based on a Donald Duck comic by Carl Barks.


**The storyline of this oneshot is based heavily on a (very funny) Donald Duck comic called, "Pizen Springs Dude Ranch" which is part of the **_**Lost in the Andes **_**comic compilation, available on Amazon, and the title is based on that of a Flintstones episode with a similar plot entitled, "Deep in the Heart of Texarock.". Please enjoy!(BTW, I have pictures of the cattle rustler available on my blog, the Keeper of the Fun blog!"**

It's a peaceable day in Equestria. At the Apple Family Ranch, a worried Applejack paces back and forth. Recently, a cattle rustler had been pilfering her family's most valuable cows, and the Apple family had no way of knowing when she might strike again. "If'n we don't catch that-thar cattle rustler soon, our ranch'll be _ruined_!" the orange pony says dolefully.

At that moment, her grandmother Granny Smith walks casually up to her. "Applejack Dearie, our family is hosting a cider convention in town today. Can you come?"

"Sorry, Gran', ah'd love to, but thar's nobody ah kin leave in charge a' th' place here."

Just then, Applejack's friend Rainbow Dash, followed closely behind by the little Cutie Mark Crusaders, who she'd just been babysitting, strolls up to her. "Well say, AJ, Would you like me to take care a'things while you're away? I know how to feed and water the animals."

"Well, that's right neighborly of ya, Dash, but ah reckon ah should stick around in case the cattle rustler shows up agin." the orange pony replies.

"No problem, I'll look out for her, too," Dash hovers into the air and strikes a brave pose. "Ever since I heard a'that gal, I've wanted t'bring her to justice!"

"And we can help, too." the Crusaders reply.

"So don't fret, AJ, we'll keep your ranch safe while you're away, and if any of your cattle go missing, I'll round 'em back up again."

Unbeknownst to any of them, a shadowy figure had been hiding behind the barn, listening to their every word. "That's what _you _think, cousin!" she whispers slyly.

Applejack tips her hat politely as she starts off toward Ponyville. "Ah shorely do appreciate this, you guys. Ah'll see y'all soon, good luck!"

"'Bye, AJ! Good luck to you, too!" Dash and the kids wave goodbye to the orange pony as she leaves.

After Applejack has left, Dash and the Crusaders traipse into the barn, observing three stalls housing large, fancy reddish-brown longhorn cattle. "If the rustler comes by, I bet she'll try to steal those longhorn cows." the blue Pegasus muses.

"But, how could she come and take the cows in broad daylight?" inquires a perplexed Scootaloo.

"Hard to say," Dash replies, rubbing her chin. "She'd have to walk right by in plain sight and leave the same way."

At that moment the group hears footsteps, upon which Sweetie Belle peeks through the open barn door, then hurries back to the group. "There's a lady walkin' up right now, Dash. Maybe she's the rustler!"

A determined look crosses the blue Pegasus' face. "If she is, I'm gonna impress a couple a' things upon her. Things like my _left hoof _and my _right_!" She bucks and kicks angrily to prove a point.

The group hurries outside just as the stranger approaches. She's a tall tan pony with a white-blonde mane and tail and a lasso and cowboy hat cutie mark, wearing a purple cowboy hat. She waves to the group, "Howdy thar, folks, ah'm on business from the Triple Q ranch. Yer friend Applejack wanted me t'inform y'all that th' ranchers there'll be needin' three a'them longhorn cows."

"Oh! Well, that's okay, pardner," Dash motions toward the barn. "They're in the left side stalls. Please help yourself."

Apple Bloom gently taps the blue Pegasus on the shoulder. "Uh, Dash…"

"Not now, Apple Bloom, I need to hold the gate open so this gal can get a fast start." Dash holds the ranch's front gate open as the mysterious pony gallops out, leading the cattle. The blue Pegasus smiles contentedly as she watches them leave. "That ranch'll surely be happy with those big, strong cattle."

"Uhm, Dash, do remember offhoof how far it is from here to the Triple Q?" inquires Sweetie Belle.

"Well, I thought I'd recalled AJ telling me that it was twenty miles, why's that?"

"_TWENTY MILES?!_" the Crusaders echo in shock.

"AJ left only ten minutes ago," states a concerned Apple Bloom. "How could she have gone into town, back to th' ranch, talked to th' ranchers, an' sent th' messenger back in such a short time-"

"GAH!" Dash exclaims. "She must have been the rustler! Ooh, that swindler, when I get my hooves on her, she'll be sorry she ever set foot on this ranch!" She angrily flies up to the top of the windmill, fiercely whipping her rainbow mane in the air. "I'm gonna fly up here and keep watch for her. I can see the whole layout from here; not even a worm is gonna crawl outta this place without me knowin'."

Dash watches from her perch atop the windmill for about an hour; her face slowly falls. "Gosh, no sign of that rustler or the cattle anywhere. If I try to chase after them, that rustler'll make off with the whole herd! If only there were some way I could buy AJ some more cows…"

Just then, the blue Pegasus spots a pony leading three black cows coming up the walk; a determined look crosses her face. "So, an intruder, huh? Well, she's messing with the wrong pony!"

Dash flies down and places herself in the stranger's path. "Don't come any closer! One false move, and I'll punt you like a football!" She bucks and kicks fiercely to prove her point.

The stranger, who was a tall tan pony with a curly red mane, a white-blonde tail and a lasso and cowboy hat cutie mark, wearing a dark brown cowboy hat and a pair of purple glasses, replies, "Simmer down, pardner, simmer down, ah only stopped by fer a drink a'water. Ah'm takin' these-here cattle into town t'sell 'em!"

"Sell?" the blue Pegasus echoes enthusiastically. She takes out her purse, "Well say, I might be interested in purchasing those cows. How much do they go for?"

"A hunnerd gold apiece."

"Deal!" Dash hands the dealer a pile of gold pieces, upon which the dealer hands the cows off to her and leaves. "That was a pretty good deal, these cows are just as fancy as the reddish brown ones." At that moment, the kids walk up to her. "Say, would you kids mind leading these cows to their stalls, please?"

"Sure thing." the kids begin leading the cattle into the barn.

"Oh, and if you wouldn't mind, could you also search the ranch to make sure everything's in its place?"

"We'll be happy to." Scootaloo replies.

As the kids leave, Dash flies back up the windmill. "Well, that went smoothly," the blue Pegasus says to herself. "And I'll make extra sure that everything stays as is from now on."

Presently, the kids return. "So, how's everything look?" the blue Pegasus inquires.

"We checked the whole place from stem to stern, an' thar's nobody here but us." Apple Bloom replies.

"Even the cook has left." Sweetie Belle adds.

"Good! You kids run along and play now, I've got things taken care of from here."

"Thanks!" The Crusaders hurry into the barn. "Maybe we could teach those cows tricks, like how t'sit up 'n shake hoofs." Upon reaching the stalls, the Crusaders gasp. "They're gone!" Apple Bloom exclaims. "Their stalls're _empty_!"

"And we only led them in there two minutes ago!" adds Scootaloo.

The Crusaders hurry back outside. "We've got bad news, Dash. The black cows are _missing_!"

"Missing?!" a shocked Dash echoes. "But you just led them into the barn two minutes ago!"

"We don't understand it either," Sweetie Belle sighs dolefully. "It's like they jus' _vanished into thin air_!"

"Well, they can't have gone far in that time," the blue Pegasus observes. "Let's search the whole ranch."

Dash and the kids scout the ranch from stem to stern, but unfortunately, the cows are nowhere to be found. Dash sits slumped on a rock, with her chin in her hooves. "I'm beginning to believe this is all a dream." Just then, she hears a voice call, "Hello there, friend!" upon which looks up to see the dealer from before leading three blonde cows up the front walk.

"You again?" Dash exclaims.

"Yep! Ah wuz wunderin' if'n y'might like t'buy three more cows, sorta blonde colored."

The blue Pegasus scowls with frustration. "Yes, I need three cows right away, and I don't care if they're purple with orange and chartreuse spots!" She hands the dealer a pile of gold pieces, upon which the dealer hands the cattle over to her, and leaves. "Pleasure doin' business wit' ya." the dealer says.

Dash leads the cows into the barn. "_Now_, to make sure that rustler doesn't try any funny business, I'm gonna stay here and keep an eye on these cows." Presently, the kids stop by the barn. "Girls, I'd like for you to stay outside and keep an eye out for cattle rustlers in helicopters or anything of the like."

"Sure thing, Dash." The Crusaders then traipse outside.

The blue Pegasus seats herself by a large bale of hay across from the stalls with her chin in her hoof. _What could have become of those black cattle? _she thinks. _There aren't even any tracks leading out of the barn! _At that moment, she hears heavy hoofsteps coming from above her; she looks up in amazement, "Cows in the hayloft? What gives?" Dash flies up to the loft. "If those three black cows got up there, they'd hafta' be part lemur!"

Upon reaching the loft, Dash is surprised to see the three black cattle from earlier walking through a doorway in the wall-which, incidentally, she hadn't noticed before. "Whoa!" She then flies after the escaping herd at full speed, and ends up slamming head-first into the…doorway? "Ow," Dash groans, rubbing her sore head. She then casually looks up at the wall in front of her. "Hey…this isn't a doorway, it's just a picture!" Becoming aware of a whirring sound behind her, the blue Pegasus looks over her shoulder to see an old-fashioned movie machine projecting the image of the door on the wall; sitting next to it is an old-fashioned reel-to-reel playing the sound of cows' footsteps. "So _that's _how they did it! Someone wanted to get me up here for some reason…but why?"

Just then, Dash hears the Crusaders' voices below the door to the hayloft, "Is that you in th' hayloft, Dash?"

"Uh huh."

"Well, we'd jus' wanted to tell you that the three blonde cows have been stolen!"

Dash face-hoofs exasperatedly, then flies back down to the stalls and frantically looks the place over. "Somewhere, somehow, that rustler has sneaked the cattle out of this barn sight unseen!" She turns to the Crusaders. "Let's look for secret doors and false boards in the floor, girls."

"Sure thing." The kids then begin looking around, too.

Suddenly, Dash hears the dealer's voice outside the door again, "Howdy, friend! Care t'buy three more cows, white ones wit' black spots this time?"

"Yeesh, _her_ again!" Dash mumbles under her breath; she irritably trudges out the door. "Okay, fine, I'll buy your three black and white cows! I'm gettin' used to it, like buyin' wallpaper." She hands the dealer a pile of gold pieces again, upon which the dealer hands the cattle over to her, and leaves. "Pleasure doin' business wit' ya." the dealer says.

The blue Pegasus leads the cows into their stalls again, then turns to the kids, "I'd like you girls to stay here and keep an eye on the cattle; I'll be outside, checking for secret tunnels."

"Sure thing, Dash." the kids reply, upon which Dash leaves.

Apple Bloom, who's sitting on the back of one of the cows, suddenly gets a wistful look on her face. "Say girls, ah'm glad these-here cows're black with white spots, 'cuz ah gots a plan fer how we could spy on that rustler."

"Cool!" Sweetie Belle replies.

"What's the plan?" inquires Scootaloo.

"Thar's a cowhide in th' ranch house; we could use it t'dee-sguise ourselves as a cow 'n follow after her."

"A what in the ranch house?" a puzzled Sweetie Belle inquires.

"Hide." replies Scootaloo.

"Hide from what?"

"No, a cow's outside."

"Shouldn't we let him in?"

"No, hide! Hide! The cow's outside!"

"I'm not afraid of a cow." the little unicorn replies. Her friends just look at her oddly.

The three little ponies traipse out front to the ranch house and procure the cowhide, return to the stall, lock one of the cows in a box stall, then slip into the cowhide. Presently the rustler, who had been hiding inside a massive block of hay outside the barn, peeks from her hiding place and grins slyly. _Nobody on guard! _she thinks. _Just as I thought, they're all lookin' fer trap doors 'n secret passageways! _

She ducks back into the bale of hay and blows a whistle, _FWEEP! FWEEP! _"Listen, gals, thar's a whistle signal comin' from that big ol' haystack." Apple Bloom notes. The Crusaders-dressed-as-a-cow look over their shoulder to see the three cows walking toward the whistle. "We'd better tag along to see what the deal is." states Sweetie Belle, upon which the Crusaders-dressed-as-a-cow follow the cattle outside.

They observe the cows walking through a gaping gap in the center of the haystack. "A secret tunnel!" Scootaloo gasps. "There really _was _a secret tunnel after all."

"It's amazing," Sweetie Belle notes, observing the cattle rustler leading the cows through the tunnel. "The cattle follow the rustler almost as if they've been trained!"

The Crusaders-dressed-as-a-cow continue to follow the rustler and the cattle as they leave the tunnel and trek into the mountains. "And look, there's a hidden trail through these trees and over the mesa." Scootaloo observes. They follow the rustler and the cows up to a hilltop where a wagon full of cans of different colored spray paint, as well as a curly red wig and a pair of purple glasses is sitting. "So, _that's _where she got all them different colored cows," Apple Bloom observes. "She's been sprayin' 'em different colors an' resellin' 'em!"

"We gotta clean these cows off 'n get 'em back to th' ranch before AJ gets back." a concerned Scootaloo observes.

"Gee," notes Sweetie Belle "That's quite a bunch of cows she has there."

"Herd." Scootaloo corrects her.

"Heard what?"

"Herd of cows."

"Well, sure I've head of cows."

"No, I mean a cow herd."

"Well, I don't see what difference that makes," the little unicorn replies. "I don't have any secrets to keep from any cows." Her friends look at her oddly again.

The Crusaders follow the cattle as the rustler spray paints each of them grey. "Hold yer breath, gals," Apple Bloom whispers. "We're 'bout t'get a dye job." The kids hold their breath as the rustler spray paints them. "Ever'pony alright back thar?" Apple Bloom whispers.

"Yes…" Sweetie Belle, who now has grey splotches on her horn, replies dolefully.

"I guess so…" Scootaloo, who now has grey splotches on her wings, replies unhappily.

While this is happening, Dash returns to the barn and is shocked not only to see the cows missing, but the kids, too! "Stolen again! And now the kids are gone, too! Ooh, if anything's happened to them…" Suddenly, she hears a familiar voice from outside calling, "Howdy-doo! Care t'buy a few grey cows?"

"You again!" the blue Pegasus storms out the door at lightning speed and runs toward the dealer bucking, kicking, and fiercely swishing her colorful mane. "I'm tired of buying cows! You'd better get a move on right now before I boot you into next week!"

"Have mercy!" the dealer gasps, as she and the cows hurry back toward the mesa. "This is a fine how d'ya do," Scootaloo grumbles under her breath. "We had th' perfect opportunity to nab that crook with all th' evidence on her."

"Don't worry, Scootaloo," Apple Bloom reassures her. "We can still bring her t'justice."

Back on the hilltop, the rustler removes her disguise and hauls a barrel of reddish-brown paint out of the back of her wagon. "Well, cows, looks like our racket's run dry here. Time t'move on t'the next ranch!"

"Not if we can help it!" The Crusaders-dressed-as-a-cow bend down and headbutt the rustler up against the wagon, causing a set of cow horns decorating the back of the wagon to land on her head and her to fall into the vat of paint. "Now to get these here cows back t'normal," Apple Jack observes, as the kids remove their cow disguise; she suddenly spots a garden hose at the side of the wagon. "An' ah think ah know _jus'_ how t'do it!"

Back at the ranch, Dash paces back and forth worriedly. "The kids missing…twelve cows stolen…AJ and Granny Smith will be back at any moment, what am I gonna _tell _them?" Just then, Dash observes Applejack and Granny Smith strolling up the pathway. "Ohmigosh! _They're here!_"

"Howdy, Dash!" Applejack greets her, as she and her grandmother traipse toward the barn.

"Uhh, hi, AJ. Uhm…there's something I need to tell you about the cattle…"

"Why, what's the problem?" the orange pony inquires from inside the barn. "They look fine t'me."

A puzzled Dash enters the barn and is surprised to see the three reddish-brown cows in their stalls with the kids, who are standing next to the large vat of paint, standing nearby. "How did…when did…" an astonished Dash stammers.

"Howdy, pardners," Apple Bloom, who's wearing the rustler's hat, says jokingly. "Woul'ja like t'buy four reddish-brown longhorn cows?"

Granny Smith looks up blankly. "But, I only see three, Dear."

"Oh, but we have another one, too!" Sweetie Belle replies, as she and her friends pull the rustler, still with the cow horns on top of her head and dripping with paint, out of the vat. "She's a little bit shy, you see," Scootaloo adds. "She doesn't particularly like bein' a longhorn cow!"

"Whatta revoltin' development." the rustler grumbles.

**The end.**

Voice Cast

Applejack/Rainbow Dash-Ashleigh Ball

Granny Smith-Tabitha St. Germain

Apple Bloom-Michelle Creber

Sweetie Belle-Claire Corbett

Scootaloo-Madeleine Peters

Cattle Rustler-Andrea Libman


End file.
